sometimes your 1st scars will never fade

I miss Bangkok - I want to go home.

Or maybe I am running away from the responsibilities that seem to be binding me to the unwanted. Can I construct a hideaway and crawl inside it? Blind myself and close my senses to this frightening world? Will the waves sweep me away and wash me to a deserted island without the need of human interaction?

It doesn't help that I am listening to all my Thai songs again and reminiscing of life back there. I thought I wouldn't be one of those people pining for home but I guess I can't help this instinctual feeling. Maybe it isn't home I am missing but the knowledge that I can get by from day to day without having to really be alive. I like living in a semi-vegetative state where all I have to think about is how to get from the morning to the evening without feeling bored. I'm hating MBC and am actually wondering whether I will survive the course. I don't feel any motivation to study anymore. Can I just go back home? I never even intended to ever studying Medicine so why am I even considering it? I couldn't give a damn about the road not taken at this moment in time.

Don't rain on me when I am soaked. Soaked to the skin.