cold and wet, yet still updating my blog...

You know there is something really wrong with the guy who has more profile photos on his facebook than you have.... make that nearly 80 photos.. omg... seriously?? How much more into yourself can you be? We learn new things everyday.

Yesterday, I saw a HUGE bird that suspiciously looks like the crow but I'm thinking probably isn't. It is twice the size of an average Klang crow.. maybe even 3 times the size. I kid you not. It was humongous. I thought it would freaking attack me! Haha - but the best part is that because it is so massive in terms of its mass and what not, it doesn't really fly very high. More like around 20 cm above the ground. It is weird seeing a bird of such a size just skimming over the road. And the fact that it is black doesn't help it if a car comes around the corner has smacks head on with it. Imagine bird's innards on display all over the front of your car window. Not a pretty sight - although I guess it would be interesting from a medical perspective. Which reminds me... I've been watching Season5 of Grey's Anatomy over the past week and wow wow wow wow wow..... Sheperd gives Meredith a kidney... in a JAR!! How come no one does that for me?? Argh.. she can have it on her bedside table and when they turn the light off, it GLOWS! How awesome is that??? Damn.... that would be the ultimate best present! But the amount of fat that surrounds kidneys always makes me think of some kind of kidney bean weighing down a ton of cotton candy. Lol - trust me to put it in terms of food T_T~

Yup, yup... SO anyways update update. Erm.. this weekend I shall be going to Essen. Going with another intern :) Her name is Katharina and shes amazing mate! Haha, we'll be doing something like a small road trip down? up? there and just checking out the area around with the culture stuff and what not. I'll finally get to take some photos! I think? Lol - don't know how it will look yet but I shall report back after the weekend :) First things first though... have to get a jacket that isn't blue because the football game I will be going to see next weekend will be a merseyside derby between fortuna dusseldorf and duisburg which is basically the next closest city. And... Duisburg wears the blue jersey... which means, far out - if there is a blue jacket on me... haha... mati dy~ T_T so hopefully tonight when I get off work, boleh search for a jacket at H&M~ Hehes.. ok lah, need to go do work ;) see ya amigos later!

muffin monster:::

Haha. I was researching for my presentation for work today when I came across this:

So poor thing right??

I mean I have never really thought about it but it could be so true! It just explains why that new trend in Melbourne with all those new "cupcake" stores ONLY sell cupcakes... and not muffins. Oh my, I feel for you poor muffins - you, in the Betty Crocker Ready Mix box instead of being sold in those upperty-dupperty boutique shops where people's noses and fingers are constantly against the glass, pointing out "how cute that one looks" or "how pretty the colours of icing on the other one are". It must be tough living that kind of life. Always being plain Jane in front of the fancy little iced decoration that is so adored by the general population.

But don't worry - I don't complain... I am not a muffin-ist or a cupcak-ist. I will eat BOTH of you because I have no qualms whatsoever! Fear not oh muffin :D I would eat you ANYday~ whether it be a sunny day, rainy day, cloudy day, snowy day *haha.. i can add this one now!* or even just a normal day. I could write odes to muffins, poems to muffins, sing to muffins.....

Oh god, I'm going crazy. Why is the experiment taking so long??? I'm going crazy here fantasising about muffins because I have to wait for butter and water to separate T_T... Anyways, hope you liked my stupid random thoughts! I might just write that poem to the muffin if I do end up that bored. Back to real research now! XD

Cheerios!

and i go *poof!*

It's the weekend before I reach my 3 week anniversary in Dusseldorf and I'm psyched that I have survived so long! Ok - to be honest, the 6 weeks here sounded horrendously long when I first started out especially when I didn't know anyone, didn't know the place and last but certainly not least, couldn't speak the language. So far, I have accomplished 2 out of those 3 things and in my defense, learning any language is hard - not just German. Sincere apologies for sounding like a chicken (>.<) But on the bright side I have explored the city a little, seen some of the sights even in the middle of winter, some days with snow, some without and can even successfully get from the youth hostel to work and back everyday without getting lost! Actually about that... you see, normally there are 2 trains which I can take to get to work which is the U 74 and U 77, either to Holthausen or to Benrath and these are the same trains I take back to get into the city center area. And these 2 trains usually have an in-between time of about 8ish minutes, so waiting for the next one isn't such a biggie. It was worse in the beginning when I was getting used to the cold weather and all I could think was "where the hell is that god-damn train?" but now it isn't as bad especially if my earphones are plugged in and all I can hear is Cao Ge or Owl City's newest album *on a side note... I LOVE THIS ALBUM!!! you have to listen to it.. the album name is Ocean Eyes*. But one night I left work pretty late and didn't realise that the frequency changed depending on the time of the day which I guess makes perfect logical sense to people who are always using public transport but for a public transport virgin like me, its so foreign. I have to admit that in Melbourne I am kind of pampered because from Uropa, I can pretty much take any tram to where I want to go because I mostly head to the city or Flinders, and all of them pass by that route - so yeah, I have almost nil experience of being a public transport person. In Bangkok, I only use the BTS to go to the dentist and to the shopping areas and sometimes to school which already is like once in a purple dotted, pink striped moon. I am so "katak di bawah tempurung" on all these stuff :) Anyways, back to the story, when I checked the times on the board I saw that the next train (U 77 or U 74) will be in 20 or so minutes and I was like "WHAT!!" literally.. Ok - more like.. wtf.. but you know - censored stuff XD The only other way I could reach the city earlier was if I decided to go on one of the street trams instead of the trains which was kind of foreign to me because I didn't know what kind of route it took and where it went and all that. But I checked the table on the board and one of the stations was labelled "Steinstraße" which is the station I usually get off on the train. So feeling like taking a risk, I hopped onto the 701 street tram and hoped to heavens high that I would arrive at some place I actually recognise. The first few stations were all good, because they were the ones that the trains past by as well until we reached a fork in the road and the street tram turned the corner. Haha - after that I was seriously so so so so so so lost - I didn't recognise anything or any place! And the worse part was that I saw this whole load of Germans who got onto the tram and then get off after 2 or so stations because they realised they didn't recognise where they were going as well. Talk about freaking me out T_T~ But in the end, I got off at the station I intended to get off at even if I didn't recognise where I was. Panic did set in for sometime until I saw something like the U-Bahn sign which is a white capital U set in a light blue background in the distance (which is the sign for the train). I figured that if I entered the station I would know where I am at and if worse comes to worse, I could take the train to the next station which was also walking distance back to my place.

All in all, I did arrive back home after suffering severe shocks wondering whether I would make it back home. I really don't like that feeling though when you feel so lost it isn't funny anymore. So to say that I was relieved when I got back to a place I recognised would probably be an understatement. Hehes - so nowadays before I go out in the weekends I'm avidly checking google maps and drawing out mini maps on my notebook which I could show you guys when I get back. Google maps is my official saviour, plus it lists all the important stuff on the map like the 2 bookstores which sell english books as well as this famous chocolatier/dessert shop called Cafe Heinemann XD


As you see, it is the stuff that totally matters! :) Weirdly enough I have not had a Starbucks drink since I have arrived in Dusseldorf. Hhhmmmm, maybe it is time to change this record :) I did change my 'no shopping for clothes and other not so necessary stuff' record yesterday though - a slight shopping spree that I still cringe a little thinking about it. But I finally got a pair of converses after living in mid-calf high boots for 3 weeks. I really think that isn't healthy - and the boots are really heavy, I feel like I'm doing weights each day after walking around with them. Even in HK, when I got them from Tsim Sha Tsui area, walking around with it in a bag was knackering! Together with the shoes, I got 2 blouses from Zara (haha - old habits die hard! I have gotten clothes from Zara in all the countries I visited this summer hols ^^) and 2 books to keep me awake on the train when I go to work each morning XD So successful shopping trip? I would think so~ I think my dad wouldn't say it in those terms though T_T oopsie daisies~ In our defence, not shopping is like going against the laws of nature for girls - its like going against Darwin's theory of evolution. Lol - oh yeah, on that note.. there is some news that I read recently that actually suggests that Darwin may have been wrong and that Lamarck may actually have been partially correct on his giraffe prediction. If that is true, wow, it will just cause whole foundations of theories to fall through. Scary thought much....

Still on the bright side, I received word that the bags and the notepads for Orientation is ready! Yay!!!!!! :) Hehes - Super psyched about that :) I hope it came out as well as I expected it to~ Will have to see whether I can get photos sent to me :) *does happy dance* Haha - not literally, my roommate will think I've gone insane if I really did do some dance moves T_T I mean, she is a professional ballerina.. so not the best idea! But that is the only part of the whole CMG thing that I am happy about now because I don't since yesterday, some kind of gloom has set over me whenever I think of the club. I really shouldn't be this depressed about it but I don't know.. my heart feels heavy when my thoughts pass through that way - not a good start to a year that hasn't even really started. Damn! Hate this... 幸せ時間を思いたい I don't even know whether my 日本語 is correct~ Haha :) nvm

I can't even put a title on this

My heart is heavy as I feel the weight on my shoulders, the end of the long day pushes on me. I want to lie down and forget it all but it is only a momentary rest; I only put off the inevitable. I wish to doze off and sleep soundly, hoping to wake up and realise it was a dream but I know deep down that all these are lies to myself. It won't be the same without you for sure and I'm afraid to understand what life will be back in Melbourne when you are no longer around. It's the echoes of memories that will be around the corner as we pass the street we joked at, took photos at, and simply goofed around. There will be times you wonder as to how such a large imprint has been left onto our lives, just merely knowing someone for a relatively short time. I don't know what I fear the most, either what has happened or what will come. I think it is the fear of the future that creates a cold sweat.

In this international society where meetings and departures occur so frequently it shouldn't come as a shock any longer, but it nevertheless hurts to know that time, that constant moving facade, will pass and we will stay as stagnant beings - our lives too short to have even understood what the true meaning of time is. And as we look down into the abysmal and dark setting around us, with the light to our backs - will we really have lived life as it was meant to be lived? Or have we mocked ourselves into believing that we have lived on the edge, and experienced all that was available to us. The faces that we see everyday may very well be the faces that we pass on the street; infallible, unrecognisable, and incomprehensible. I wish to be happier and this moment. I wish I could say that tomorrow will be a better day but at this point, I cannot. The truth is harsh - facing up to it is harsher. When will we escape this cruel cycle? When will we live for the day?

on second thoughts......

I don't know what to blog about. It's like a mental block that forms each time I make up my mind to update this so-called diary of mine~ But I mean who really wants to know what you ate for lunch or what you plan to eat for breakfast? It's like telling people every minute, every second of your life which I guess if you had the wit and the humour to write about it without people realising that these aren't probably the best topics in the world, then you have surpassed the amateurs and have entered the professional league. I confess that I wouldn't even dream of being able to do that simply because I don't believe my life is exciting enough or warrants enough attention for people to bother about it: which has led me to the final conclusion that why should I personally bother about it if others aren't going to. This could be purely a superficial concept of mine but I think it resonates throughout everyone. Humans were not born to be hermits. We are, by nature, social creatures. This is why when we are young, we find cliques in schools, groups which we can associate with. I mean, how else would you explain what-I-would-call the "school canteen phenomena"?

Let me elaborate. Picture yourself... there is that 13-year old kid, fresh out of middle school and into the BIG school. Your uniform is crisp and clean and it is the first day of school. Having survived the first few classes of the day, you feel ok - it wasn't as bad as you expected and you seemed pretty confident now that you have survived those few hours. But then comes the lunch bell - everyone rushes to get their lunch at the canteen and the tables start to fill. You grab your tray, ladle out your food on your plate (whether it is a mountain of food or not, I'll leave it to your imagination) and start to move towards the seating area. For just one moment in time, that time before you have found your group of friends sitting in the crowd, you panic. You have a slight nauseous feeling and you freak out a bit - 'what if you have to sit alone? what if you have no place to sit? what if you have to sit with seniors?' All these kind of questions pop up in your head until just at the last minute before you pull a 180 and scram out of the doors, you see a familiar face and peace is restored in the world once more.

I don't know whether this example resonates with you but I feel that even from a young age we are given a feeling of safety and reassurance simply by sticking with the same group all the time. This is something we repeat over and over again whether we are in our teens, our 30s, our 50s... time itself does not play a role here which is why every time we move or make a drastic change to our social bearings, we experience what I would imagine a fish does when it is pulled out of the water. Why do I bring this up? Well - oddly enough I have experienced this exact same thing when I started work this month. Frankly, I don't know why it should be so awkward for me when I have had many of these experiences in my life already: in Bangkok when I first entered in Year 4, when entering high school, when entering Senior Studies and finally when I entered uni. Maybe it is because each time we are removed from our normal surroundings, we are forced to acclimatise and undergo something like a social reconditioning. It makes it a ton worse if you don't know the culture and you are afraid of doing something wrong, or something out of place. I mean, who wants to have the label "FARANG" on their forehead just because of some small gesture or mannerism?

This probably explains why in the first few days I was here and having lunch with my colleagues, my eyes were darting around the table always checking to see what is right, or what seemed to be the status quo. Haha - extremely weird as it may be, I think that most of us who experience these kind of circumstances do it automatically. For example, I have realised that like the cars on the German road which have the driver's seat on the left side of the car, the pedestrians or people walking on the streets also have a tendency to walk on the right side of the road when passing others. This was so weird for me because in Asia, it is the opposite way round but it is something I do instinctively without realising which is why when I came here, I could only feel the difference. Who knew that driving on the road actually affected the way people walk on the sidewalk? But I am rambling - there is actually no point to this post except to put my thoughts down onto 'paper' or so that you can see what crap actually fills my head. I have a lot of time to think nowadays especially with the 10 minute walks to the train station, the 30 minute ride on the train to work and the 15 minutes walk from the front gate to the building I work at. It must come to no surprise then that I think a lot. I have actually compiled a small collection of what facebook statuses I could post just from thinking during these short walks. I'll post it up next time - although why you would want to see the dribble that I come up with.... :) Till then! Tschüs! XD